Happy #NotFathersDay

Today is sponsored by the letters 'safety net'.

  
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Us marginalists get a bad rap.

Non-smokers don’t get puff breaks.

Non-parents don’t get maternity or paternity leave. Or child benefit. Or the benefit of friends cooing over stuff we made. I know this to be true after building a Billy bookcase and urging my pals to do some oohing and aahing over the metallic precision of my screwing action. Crickets.

Us single-tone puritans don’t even get an awareness day recognising our non-compliance with convention. Which I think is an outright disgrace.

So I set one up.

#NotFathersDay

You have to tread carefully with anything that’s a little delicate, when you’re renowned for having the indelicacy of a recently-castrated bull in a ball pond full of #FathersDay celebrants.

There are always outliers. Unfortunates who couldn’t play their part in conception, for example. Who ironically are the ones who typically don’t demur when real talk is on of fatherhood. There’s a rentamob for everything.

But I firmly believe that like me there are millions of adult boys who made a conscientious decision not to play their part in kidding up. In much the same way as people are increasingly choosing to get married later, so when they inevitably get divorced it doesn’t look as bad as if it had happened at 23 if they’d followed antiquated government guidelines for when to get hitched.

The reasons for not half-arsedly getting into parenthood are abundantly clear.

World population is already at a terrifying rate without your help.

China has now essentially said EVERYONE PLEASE GO GUNG-HO IN THE SACK BECAUSE WE’RE A DYING NATION OF PEOPLE AND WE NEED TO CRUSH BIDEN.

Which reminds me. This seemed a very good deal.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bidet-Attachment-Non-Electric-Retractable-Self-Cleaning/dp/B0832DJZC7

And I don’t know if you’ve noticed lately but we have exactly the same fields - probably less, because of housing needs (don’t get me revved up) and people setting fire to shit either purposefully or accidentally. We can only genetically modify crops so fast, so inevitably we ain’t gonna have an oversupply of foodstuffs anytime soon and millions and MILLIONS of people are still going hungry.

Being magnanimous by not continuing your family tree should be championed. But childless couples are often ostracised by deluded, never dry-eyed mummies at every social occasion and through their now termly photo of little Lucinda stood by the front door in her jumper that positively sparkles with ambition and the hint of imminent social media torture for its owner’s snaggletooth which should be adorable but is seen as a vehicle for bullying opportunity for thickheaded teens.

I’m not bemoaning mums and dads. I have it on good authority that you wouldn’t be reading this newsletter without the existence of such a babymaking kit.

But cut the rest of us a bit of slack. You’ll thank us one day. #NotFathersDay would be a start, trumpeting our selflessness by rubbering up.

Talking about safety nets…

On today’s show at the top of this newsletter I went on a bit about not shying away from experimentation and opportunity because the only bad idea is no idea and if you work somewhere that’s punitive towards innovation you should get on LinkedIn and mine your connections for new opportunities PDQ.

If you have staff suggestion boxes at your employer - and better yet, they’re not used as a disposal area for crisp and sweet wrappers and people actually read their contents - then ask them to set up a skunkworks where you can safely and with authority test things to support company growth and customer satisfaction.

If you get ignored, move on. If you get berated, move on.

But it’s likely you won’t. Having a safety net to strive for better is what we all seek. And deserve.

Until next time.

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